Save the Last Dance for Me
by writerchic16
Summary: Kate will go to his funeral for them. She owes them this. There are no vows to hold them together...but somehow, she is still theirs. They understand that she is grieving too. [One-shot, post-For Better or Worse]


**Save the Last Dance for Me**

Summary: Kate will go to his funeral for them. She owes them this. There are no vows to hold them together...but somehow, she is still theirs. They understand that she is grieving too. [Post-6x23, "For Better or Worse"]

* * *

"My heart says 'Yes, indeed' in me...

'Proceed with what you're leadin' me too...'"

Swaying the voice of Old Blue Eyes, Kate hummed along as she kept her head on her husband's shoulder. "You were singing, babe," she whispered after the chorus finished. "Admit it – you're enjoying this too." The "band versus disc jockey" issue turned out to be one of the most debated wedding details, so they put it off until the last possible moment. They hastily decided that renting a stereo system was simpler – and cheaper – than bringing in a full band.

He laughed, spinning them around in a wide circle as the song reached an instrumental break. "Yeah, I have to admit...dancing barefoot on the sand, moon shining overhead...Sinatra does add to the atmosphere. My lyrical preference would have been 'Dancing in the Moonlight' by King Harvest, but...this works."

"Oh, that would've been a good one!" Kate smiled, happy to find another song they both liked. She then leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Maybe after everyone leaves, we can have our own dance party." They'd decided to spend their wedding night at the house, then leave for the airport tomorrow afternoon. In her opinion this was much better than the their previous venue's honeymoon suite. Despite the disaster leading up to it, she couldn't imagine a more perfect wedding. Rick's Hamptons estate turned out to be an incredibly romantic destination. While she never imagined a beach wedding, she really had to wonder why they bothered looking elsewhere.

"Hmmm..." He pretended to give the suggestion some serious thought. "Mrs. Castle, that may be the best idea I've ever heard."

"'Mrs. Castle'?" She was beaming, almost giddy, at the sound of her new name. "You know, I'll still be 'Detective Beckett' at the precinct."

"Then you'll have to call me Captain Castle. It's only fair."

"I'll consider that," she joked. "Though I would have to run it by Gates."

Even though the situation was entirely hypothetical, his eyes widened with alarm anyway. "Maybe we'll just stick to pet names. I _despise_ Rogan, but 'Kit-Kat' _does_..."

"Don't even think about it, Man Parts."

They finished one more spin, Rick dipping her dramatically when the song reached its final note. Surrounding guests paused their own dancing to applaud the newlyweds...then chanted for a kiss, mostly thanks to Esposito and Ryan's encouragement. Kate and Rick eagerly obliged before settling into each other's arms for the final song...

...which of course was "Last Dance" by Donna Summer. Esposito, Ryan, Lanie – even Martha and Alexis – all chuckled appreciatively at the tribute to their seventies flashback. Dancing with her husband, Gates shook her head at their reactions and pretended to miss the reference.

Suddenly they all quieted down, the couples enjoying one more "slow dance" before the tempo changed. Kate looked around at the crowd, thrilled that the important people in her life would be there to wrap up the evening. Kevin and Jenny danced alongside Javier and Lanie. Martha and Jim had been dance partners on and off all night, often chatting or eating together between songs. (Kate _would_ worry about her dad and Rick's mother becoming an item...but on her wedding day, she just didn't have the negativity for it.) Next to the parents were Alexis and her date – a "platonic male friend" from college brave enough to meet her whole family in one go. The two friends had stayed on the dance floor almost as much as the bride and groom.

"_I need you, by me..._

_Beside me, to guide me..."_

Happily lost in thought, Kate almost didn't hear the song transition to its faster beat. She felt Rick put his hand in hers, gently guiding her towards their family and friends. Everyone was together now, clapping and cheering, many singing along.

"We have to leave."

She'd whispered to her husband against her will. The knot in her stomach, her racing heart – they'd seized control of her voice. "We have to leave _now_."

He stared at her with concern. "What is it, Kate?" he whispered back. "Are you okay?"

Pausing, Kate realized she didn't have an answer for him. "Yes...no...I-I...Rick, please...we...we can't be here. Not...not when the song ends, we just can't...it'll all be over..."

"Um...I don't want the night to end either, Kate, but I promise that we'll be fine..."

"No! We won't be fine!" No one around them noticed that she'd begun screaming. They never even looked at her. "All of this will go away, you won't be here, a-and..."

_And I'll be alone._

_Your funeral is today. I tried to hold them off, but...they didn't listen._

_They didn't hear me._

_There is a funeral today._

_I'm so sorry, Rick. _

Her eyes opened slowly, tears spilling as she reached for her tissue box. She slept too late again. Before she could check the clock on her phone, natural light told her that breakfast was probably hours ago. She wondered why Martha or Alexis didn't wake her up sooner.

Almost as soon as Kate's vision cleared, aches and pains from her makeshift bed started clamoring for her attention. Then she remembered. A few weeks ago, unable to sleep in his bed, she'd migrated over to his office.

She felt better there. She might actually sleep there.

Without thinking twice about it she'd turned the club chairs towards each other, then grabbed a spare blanket and pillow from the hall closet. Kate imagined there was a futon somewhere in the loft, but...to her, that was so permanent, so telling. While Martha and Alexis probably knew she didn't sleep much, she didn't want them to see it.

Those thoughts led her to an unsettling realization.

_They haven't been in here._

_At all._

_Not since._

_...oh God, I should have asked. _

More awake now, Kate pulled herself upright, pushing her feet off the opposite chair and sliding them towards her. Sitting there, her knees pulled close to her chest, all she could do was rest her head while the tears returned. She couldn't overcome the simplest emotional obstacle anymore.

"Kate?"

"H-hi, honey," she greeted apologetically. She'd looked at Alexis with puffy eyes and noticeable tears. "I'm sorry, so sorry...um, I just..."

"No, it's okay, really."About to cry herself, Alexis sat in the other chair across from Kate. "I was worried about you, sleeping in the old bedroom...I should've asked if you wanted the guest room...you could move in there, and that could be yours."

The sweet moment brought on another wave of tears. Kate took some more tissues from the box, then passed it to Alexis. "I thought about the guest room," she confessed. "At first, I thought...how could I sleep in his room? How could I...B-but then, I thought...well, that's why I can't leave..."

Alexis nodded in understanding. "We weren't sure. Gram and I figured it would be best...if you decided on your own. We...we didn't want to pressure you, either way..."

"Thank you, sweetie." The two hugged, holding on to each other, tissues still in their hands. They eventually let go to wipe their eyes and blink away the remaining tears. "So, what time is it?" Kate asked, searching for her cell phone. "I know I overslept again."

Alexis smiled weakly. "Don't worry about it, we only had cereal." She then glanced at the television, noticing the brightly-lit power symbol. "Is the TV still on?" Before Kate could get the remote, Alexis found it first and pressed the power button. Her jaw dropped at the screen that appeared. "Oh my God..." she whispered. "Kate...what is all this?"

Struggling to continue, Alexis let out a deep breath. All she could do was stare at the television screen. Caught, Kate allowed her a moment to process what was in front of her.

It was Rick's writing program. Kate had first seen it years ago, when he was outlining fictional murder plots. More recently he'd confessed to using it to help him investigate her shooting. She hadn't been very surprised to learn this, and secretly, she'd wondered if he'd deleted it after Bracken's arrest. Curiosity made her search for it one night. Maybe it was snooping, but since the file was _about_ her, so the guilt she did have wasn't enough to stop her from looking.

Then, when she did locate the file...she'd saved it as a new document, replacing the details with facts about the car crash. She didn't even think about this at first. She just had so much pent-up energy and frustration, agony and grief, with no outlet for any of it. When there had been suspicions of homicide or kidnapping, Gates forced Kate to take a leave of absence. The captain knew that rules would not be enough to prevent her from getting involved.

Their perpetual indecision drove her to near insanity. There was a body in the car, but it was so burned that officials declared it "unidentifiable." Even though Lanie had been determined to give everyone a little bit of peace, doing the absolute best she could...she just couldn't say for sure if it was Rick.

Finally, after months of this torture, Martha and Alexis crumbled. They said they couldn't do it anymore. They couldn't hold their breaths every single day of their lives, clinging on to the tiniest chance that he would be found.

Maybe Kate could...but they couldn't.

They worried that she did. They said it wasn't healthy.

And, when she was honest with herself...she knew they were right. She'd solved her mother's death, crawled out of the emotional hole and sealed it shut. Now...now she was digging another hole. A year, several years down the line, she would be her old self again.

But knowing all this wasn't enough to stop it from happening.

"What changed your mind?"

When Alexis did finally speak, her words were accusing...but also quiet and cautiously hopeful. Confused, Kate waited for her to continue.

"You gave up too. Gram and I, we said we were going to plan the funeral...and you went along with it."Alexis' gaze never left the outline of her father's case. "You agreed that we should try to heal, so...either you lied, or you changed your mind. But don't tell me if you lied, because you're family now, and I don't have the energy to be mad at you. Just...tell me, what is it? What's different now?"

_Because you're family now._

Stunned, Kate could only stare at Alexis...even though the youngest Castle was still very hurt.

_She said it so casually_, Kate thought in awe. _And I think she might be right. They don't care that, on paper, I was never his wife...it doesn't matter to them, or to me. They are my family now. This isn't temporary until we all can function again._

_I'm staying here._

Mistaking Kate's hesitation for reluctance, Alexis sighed. "The driver in the car...it _was_ Dad, Kate. Even you said that if it wasn't...that if he'd been taken...there would be demands, or a lead. But there hasn't been anything."

Kate refocused on the conversation and shook her head. "No, sweetie, I didn't lie...when we made that decision, I _did_ give up. For weeks I tried to convince myself of that. Every single time I wondered where he was, or checked my phone to see if the precinct had called...I would tell myself that he was gone. That it was him in the car."

"So..." Bewildered Alexis turned away from the board, analyzing Kate's unreadable expression. "Was it the precinct? Did they call?"

"No, no, they didn't call." Kate paused, exasperated. "They don't call anymore." After the crash, and her suspension, her friends texted her updates almost on the hour. Four months later...Esposito and Ryan visited the loft once a week only to check up on her. They never had new information to report.

"Then I don't get it," Alexis confessed. She looked back at the screen again. "Why now?"

Clueless herself, Kate shrugged as she leaned back on the chair's cushion. "Honestly...I don't get it either. The nightmares just started. I don't know why."

"_Oh_." Alexis frowned sympathetically, noting the turned chairs. "I guess that's why you've been sleeping in here. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Thanks, honey, but I don't..."

"It's okay, Kate. Maybe talking will help."

Embarrassed to be so upset over nightmare, and not very eager to relive it, Kate forced herself to share her experience. "I've...I've been having them for the past few weeks," she began. "At first, each one seems like a wonderful dream. Your father and I did get married...we're all dancing at the house in the Hamptons, everyone is happy and everything is perfect. But then...the dream version of me gets scared, for no reason, and...I start screaming that we need to leave. No one listens, like they can't hear me, when we were all having a great time moments before. Your father can hear me though. He...he wants to know what's wrong, because he...he says we'll be fine. He _promises_ that we'll be fine."

While surprised, Alexis easily connected the nightmare to the outline of her father's case. "You don't think it's a sign, though," she asked quietly. "You don't believe in signs...do you?"

"I never used to," Kate confirmed. "But...working with your father all these years...solving some crazy cases...I have to admit that I'm considering it now. At the very least...he would want me to explore this, to embrace the 'signs' and follow my instincts." Kate took another tissue from the box, feeling herself start to break down again. "A-And I want the dream to end, without dissolving into a nightmare. As silly as this sounds...I have to finish that dance with your father."

Alexis nodded, though she was still worried. "You're going to investigate the case on your own?"

"When I can," Kate admitted. "But this is more about...finding peace, for myself, for you, and for everyone else in his life. There is a funeral today, but we don't truly know if he's gone. This dream, nightmare...it's...all of my fears and my grief, the regret and disappointment in myself that I failed him. Maybe it was him in that car...but I have to know for sure. We all do."

Her own tears returning, Alexis shook her head. "Please, Kate...it _was_ him in that car. You almost died solving your mom's case...I can't lose another family member."

"You won't, Alexis. I promise you won't."

As they hugged again, Kate finally understood.

History was not going to repeat itself.

They would save her.

And if he could be saved...Kate would save him.


End file.
